Unrequited.

I have always wondered what life has in store for me. Even though I have made decisions and have already chosen to take a few paths, I honestly still do not know where I am going. Dreams, plans… I see people fulfilling those, I have witnessed people achieve their dreams. Yet, here I am, still wondering what I want to do with my life. 18 years, and all I ever did was to study, hang out with my friends, play, ask my parents for my allowance and look for that one thing I want to do for the rest of my life. Maybe it is now time for a change. I am growing old, I have turned as what they call, a ‘lady’. I have to start living my life knowing where I will go. I have to stand up for my decisions and make sure I choose the right ones. I have to be a woman now.

When I was a kid, I remember that I was a Lola’s girl… even up to now. My lola brought me everywhere she goes, buy me the things I want and works hard to give me everything. Now is the time to work hard for her. To give back what she has given me, even those I did not ask for. I can say that I owe my life to her. Without her, I would not be who I am now. Without her, I do not know what would happen to me.

                To my lola, thank you. For everything that you have given me. You are one of the reasons why I am working this hard. You and lolo, are one of the reasons why I am striving. You have given me a life that I never asked for. I am blessed to have you both. Now is the time for me to start giving back. I owe you so much. I love you.

My mama has always been my best friend. I know that most of the times I am a disobedient child.

                To mama, thank you for everything. For being there for me always. I do not know what could have happened to me if you were not there, beside me. Sorry for all the things I have done. I know I have hurt you too many times and I know that I have asked too much from you. But always remember that I do remember all those. And I promise to return to you everything. After a year, after I graduate, I promise that I will treat you like a queen. I will work hard not for myself, but for our family. I love you mama and papa!

To my siblings, there is still a long way to go for the two of you. I hope that you both work hard. I know that you guys can do it. I will always be here for the two of you.

To my friends.

To the people who has always been there for me no matter what. To the barkada who has been there in tears and laughter.  This is for Chxze.

                I do not know how God manipulated our fate. We have been through so much. I cannot stress enough how happy I am that you guys are my friends. Ever since grade school, I have been with you guys. We have seen each other grow, and I am glad that I spent the 10 years of my SMA-SA life with all of you. I cannot imagine myself without chxze. High school was tough, but because I was with all of you, it became tough/fun. The friendship we have established cannot be compared… Time has been our foundation. Thank you Lois, Camille, Klara, Ryena, Dawn, Jesika and Tessa. Thank you Gabrielle, Jesse, Aldrin, Roy, MJ and Jeruwin. I know that even though we trick each other every time, those are just tricks. Thank you, because I know that whatever happens, all of you will be there, in this lifetime. Thank you, for the memories, for the jokes, for the tears, for the love. I love you all.

To the people who I never thought I would find. Iloves.

                When everything else was falling, thank you for being therefor me. For saving me from all the stupidity and pain. I never thought that I would be this close to all of you. I know that I will also spending the rest of my life with all of you. Even though we do not see each other most of the times, we are still friends. I love you iLoves. iLoves has served as my strength during those times when I did not know who to hold on to. Thank you.

To Ass. The craziest people I have ever met.

                Before I entered college, I was scared. I did not know what kind of Life College would give to me, but then I met you guys. Then I was happy. Every time I am with all of you, there is just laughter. I know that it is what we really needed. College would not be the same without all of you. College would not be as fun as it is now if I did not have all of you. Thank you. For being there for me. For being the best college buddies I could ever have.

To Lois. Hello best friend. I have always been thankful that I have you as my best friend. Having someone who is my opposite has always been an advantage for me. When I was weak, you have always been there to hit me. To tell me that I should not be. You are one of the strongest people I know and I hope that you will keep it that way. Know that I will always be here for you no matter what. Even though we are not talking as much as we used to, I will always be the Maila you know. I miss you already. And I hope that soon enough we will be able to spent time together.

To Camille. Mi! Thank you. For being the best mommy-friend to me. I have always been thankful, we have always been thankful to have you. You are one of the smartest people I have ever known, and I know you will go places. For being there for me always, for not leaving me no matter what has happened. Thank you.

To Rachel and Mae. When all else fades…. I know that the two of you will never ever leave me. You have seen me shed tears; you have the stupidity out of me. Still, both of you never left. I owe you two so much. I am very happy that even though I have lost…. I gained the two of you. I love you both. You guys also served as my strength, you guys were the wall who saved me from falling down. The two of you has always been there for me, and I know that will always be. I am here too, no matter what.

To Liz. To the best college buddy ever. Cheers to our friendship! You know how thankful I am to have you. Because no matter what has happened you have always been there for me. I love you Lizzy. And no matter what happens, I know that we will be forever friends.

I have my flaws, I make mistakes, but still, I know that I am loved and blessed. To be satisfied is to be happy. I know that I would still meet people in the future, I know that I still have dreams to be achieved. Then, I would be happier. Because right now, I cannot express enough how happy I am to be surrounded by people who loves me. 

-the notebook that has it all. I had this ever since 4th year high school, it contains random things that, well, other people should not see. Today, as I look through it, I have seen many memories. Happiness. Fun. Heartaches. My retreat notes in 4th year. The ‘grand silence’ note I wrote during our retreat. My plans in life. Dates and events to remember. My AY essay draft. Letters to….. whoever. Lastly, the 18 things to do before I turn 18. I have accomplished 11 things already, the other 5, well I know I will be able to do it with the little time left. But the last one, I really do not know. I do not know what this blog is for. It has been a long time since I last blogged or wrote something that contain my sentiments. There are other things worth blogging, my holy week spent with friends, how this term has been for me, how I managed to live my life these past few days… but I really don’t know why I even bother to look through this notebook, when I know, it would not cause me any good.

12nn, we’re busy preparing…. 

Terminal 2.

And then MOA =)

Welcome back Jer…. :)

This week is gonna be great. Because I will spending it with these people! Yay for that. I love you forever my dear friends. Chxze. Always ♥